When your hopes and fears are used against you, by someone we’ve trusted. By: Jessika Campania

It’s happened to all of us. At one point in time, we’ve all talked about our hopes and fears with someone we’ve trusted. We gave the trusted person, important information that could destroy us almost immediately. In hopes that they would be against using it as a means of destroying us. Naturally as human beings we retort, for protection, out of anger, and fear. Angry because of the trust that has been broken. Fear because of the susceptibility of attack, physically or emotionally. This disappointment is one of my worst fears. Unfortunately it’s happened to me more than once. What a pain it is to endure both during, and even long after it has been done. I can give a bit of advice thru all this. It is to keep having heart, learn to forgive. First off, you MUST forgive yourself, before you could possibly forgive someone else. Doesn’t that just sound so easy? Because its YOU, forgiving YOURSELF. Why wouldn’t it be? Right?? 😂 Noooope. Quite the opposite, in fact. I know I used to karate chop myself up for putting myself in a position to be vulnerable. “Stupid girl!” I’d say to myself. Reaming myself over and over again. How could I trust that person again? Being the ‘one and done’ type of person that I have shaped myself to be. With my sinning intentions that I might still be cordial with the opposing individual, without being susceptible to being attacked. My fucked up self would be honest, and say “nah brah I’m so good on alladat shit.” Just for my protection. Walls go up, and you’d never know a single hope or fear of mine ever again. That right there isn’t my fault. My fault in all of this was trusting that person. Thinking without anger or fear, helps me have clarity in my decision making. Logical thinking protects me, and the person that i am dealing with. Without persuading the situation to become malicious. This is where I bend as an individual to make room for change. I have to become quiet. That is my rule. This is how I stay natural. Being quiet, is something that I’m not accustomed to. I am fast at making a quip, and a genius in being stupendously chaotic. You ever pull wings off a fly? Yeah that’s me. Somehow I just knew that flying off the handles, provided beneficial fuel for the opposing individual, that their cruel intentions was working. They had control of my hopes and fears, even my feelings. So bam! I quit rushing in to my fear and anger feelings. In that moment, I found staying in my neutrality, granted me all the powers to control this situation. Out of reaction, they waited for me, to release the animal in me. But the animal in me never arrived. Instead, my retained animalistic tendency, reverted on them, triple the amount of anger than they originally had. It was working in my accord! I bent, and evaded emotional torment that they bestowed on me, and made it their problem. Time, consistency, and kindness, would be crucial for the changes ahead. Maybe one day, I will learn to trust them again. Until then, they would have to show me in action, that they could be deserving of my trust once more.

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